Must Be

Last night I took more pills than listed on the back of the bottle. Basically I tried to commit suicide. I prayed to the Lord “If I wake up in the morning I have a purpose in this world.” I am here and I guess I have a purpose in this world.

Don’t know what it is. I Cannot find a job, I am falling behind in school (I am guessing due to my depression), I cannot conceive. So, what is my purpose? I do not know, so I guess I am on a journey to find my purpose on this rock hurling through space.

I guess step one can be find an outlet for my anger.
Step two, change my outlook on life
Step three, accept the things I cannot change and change what I can.
Step four,  live with no regrets.

I will go and put these things into practice, I know this will be hard. So wish me luck.

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3 comments

  1. thank you for being honest. I feel like sharing this with you…it’s a video I just made yesterday on what purpose is to me, and thinking the way I describe in the video helped pull me out of my suicidal thought trains a few months ago:

    http://philosophomind.wordpress.com/2013/05/30/letting-go-of-whats-inside-finding-purpose-in-your-blood-cells/

    if you don’t watch the video, here is what I tried to depict:

    We look at all the little things in life and say they have purpose, right? Things like the blood cell, who’s purpose it is to supply oxygen through our body. The blood cell has purpose because it EXISTS. It’s existence IS its purpose. Whether or not the blood cell ever questions itself and its purpose doesn’t change the fact it’s built to live. It’s built to contribute to the life of the universe somehow. Your existence is your purpose. Right now, the air you breathe out supplies life for the plants–for the vegetation (grade-school science). The same vegetation every human being consumes IN ORDER TO LIVE. so you’re helping other human beings like yourself to live on a level that we commonly dont’ acknowledge.

    When I wasn’t sure what to do with my life and I felt dead inside, and I didn’t have enough energy to do something grandeur, I began by becoming fascinated with the minuscule things in life that reminded me I’m playing a LITERAL physical role in the universe. I observed myself and the world. And when I settled for observation, I woke up one day and discovered what I want to do with my life.

    Keep being strong. It’s a daily battle, yeah?

    Jake.

    1. Thank you so much for taking out time to read it and give me some encouragement to find my purpose. I will be watching the video as soon as I hit reply.

  2. 🙂 keep fighting.

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