It is not like me to get mad at someone else for having something that I want. I mean I support everyone and do not wish ill on a soul, because I believed I will get what I want one day. But when life keep handing you lemons and salt to pour on your open wounds, I get a little pissed. I always believed that things happen for a reason and I should just wait my time. But lately something is wrong with me and I cannot pin point what it may be. Am I just tired of being shitted on by the universe and believe they like to play cruel jokes. Hell who knows. I used to believe I was being punished by God, for disobeying him and not honoring my mother and my father by not giving into their flesh desires? But as I grow older and wiser I don’t think God would wish such harm upon me. So, who is to blame? The Devil, Myself, The Universe, Who Who Who? I also believe if you want something in life you should go get it, but how can I get it when I do not see a way. I was raised to believe if you went to college and get a job your life would be fairly easy. You know you will find a partner, have some kids, buy a house and spend the rest of your days working, raising kids, just plain living. But my parents left out so many more details to the story. Like, you will be lonely no matter how many so call friends you have or you can pray for something and still not get it. Hell the church taught me that Gods answers prayers. Yet all the times I really prayed for something to happen or not happen, the prayer was not fulfilled. Does God have a limit on the number of prayers you get in a month? If so can he at least give me the amount? Now I can say I believe in God whole heartily I just do not trust him completely. Maybe that is what’s wrong I do not trust God completely. I have had a couple of situations and God somehow pulled me through them but was that just to let me know he is still there? I know he is there, because I wake up every morning, babies are born healthy, people survive tragedies, people cancer just goes away and leave no trace I know he exist. But I wish I understood his reasoning or at least who is behind all my misfortune and that of the worlds.
People always talking about be happy for what you have. Trust I am happy but why can’t I get upset of things that I want and have not received. I am not a jealous person, I wish love and happiness into the world. But damn Universe when can I get some of the love back? I have a mother who drives me nuts, take everything to heart and is not very forgiving. I have a father who see things his way and will not try to understand others perspective, well that is my mother too. I am a very understanding, nonjudgmental person I believe has the right to believe what they want to about a situation, if I feel you are wrong I will try and let you see my point of view but I am not going to exile you for your beliefs.
Basically, what I am saying right now is… Damn Universe when will my time come? P.S stop sending me your damn lemons they make my mouth hurt.