Maddie

Sometimes when I have settled down, put away distractions, and really listen to the silence. I think of you, I think of the things we never got to do. I think about how ignorant I was to everything that occurred that day. If I was smarter I would have went to the doctor and saved your life. But no I had to be Ms.Tough and it’s nothing to worry about. But oh how wrong was I. I should have known better is what I keep telling myself but, I was still so young so of course I didn’t know. But I still get emotional and I still get this feeling in the bottom of my stomach and I still cry because I didn’t know, I was being Ms.Tough and it’s nothing to worry about. If only I knew and was not being so tough, I would have gotten to hold you longer but through everything that has happened I am a little stronger yet a little weaker and as time goes on, I will stop seeking and blaming and realize your just my little angel.

Tags: anger, hurt, Loss, miscarriage, pain, sadness